Mom’s Musings I


As we near the two-month anniversary of Jamie’s death, things are still unresolved.  As far as we know, there are no answers as to what happened to our beloved girl.  And yet, life goes on, as impossibly as that now sounds.


Our scholarship campaign has accumulated enough donations to the point to where our scholarship will be a reality – at least for this year.  While we had hoped to establish a $1,000 fund if possible,  or perhaps raise enough money to establish an endowment, we are  grateful to all of those who have contributed to where a $500 scholarship will be a reality.  Thank you.


We are also grateful for the words and prayers uttered to us in Jamie’s behalf.  I had absolutely no idea the number of hearts that Jamie had touched.  Her touch remains after her death, as it did in her life.


Our family is finding a new “normal” – a life without Jamie.  People ask how the children are doing.  Sebastian, bless his heart, seems to somehow have a better understanding than the rest of us.  At a recent counseling session which involved the whole family, Sebastian stated that he had something to say.


“My mommy is in three places.”


Our eyebrows raised a bit at this piece of information.  What could possibly come next?


“She is in her grave.  She is in heaven with God.  And she is in my heart.”


Our eyes welled with tears as we looked at the strength of his confidence in those words.


Yes, Jamie.  You ARE in three places. 


Rozie (Siobhan Rose) is the heartbreaker.  At three years of age, she cannot understand the why’s and wherefore’s of death.  In her mind, it is only a matter of time and she will see mommy again.  When she looks at us with her beautiful blue eyes and plaintively explains “I can’t find my mommy”, we struggle to find the words to console her.


We pray for answers.  We pray for strength. 


I have learned how difficult it is to say to someone, “I will see you tomorrow,” as those were the last words uttered to Jamie by me on the night of her death.  When I find my self saying that phrase, something inside of me cringes as I wonder … “Will I?  Will I see you tomorrow?”


We have learned how quickly our lives can change and how precious “Now” is.  I was lucky enough to have been able to tell Jamie how proud I was of her.  I am so glad that I took those few moments to share what I was feeling.  My last real memory of Jamie’s face is of her smiling and laughing in response to those words.  I find myself wanting to tell people – parents … teachers …. Tell your kids.  Tell ‘em you are proud of them.  Tell them that you love them.  Make sure you say those words.  Hug them and love them – because you truly never know.



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