Mom’s Musings I
As we near the two-month anniversary of Jamie’s
death, things are still unresolved. As far as we know, there
are no answers as to what happened to our beloved girl. And
yet, life goes on, as impossibly as that now sounds.
Our scholarship campaign has accumulated enough
donations to the point to where our scholarship will be a reality –
at least for this year. While we had hoped to establish a
$1,000 fund if possible, or perhaps raise enough money to
establish an endowment, we are grateful to all of those who
have contributed to where a $500 scholarship will be a reality.
We are also grateful for the words and prayers
uttered to us in Jamie’s behalf. I had absolutely no idea the
number of hearts that Jamie had touched. Her touch remains
after her death, as it did in her life.
Our family is finding a new “normal” – a life without
Jamie. People ask how the children are doing. Sebastian,
bless his heart, seems to somehow have a better understanding than
the rest of us. At a recent counseling session which involved
the whole family, Sebastian stated that he had something to say.
“My mommy is in three places.”
Our eyebrows raised a bit at this piece of
information. What could possibly come next?
“She is in her grave. She is in heaven with
God. And she is in my heart.”
Our eyes welled with tears as we looked at the
strength of his confidence in those words.
Yes, Jamie. You ARE in three places.
Rozie (Siobhan Rose) is the heartbreaker. At
three years of age, she cannot understand the why’s and wherefore’s
of death. In her mind, it is only a matter of time and she
will see mommy again. When she looks at us with her beautiful
blue eyes and plaintively explains “I can’t find my mommy”, we
struggle to find the words to console her.
We pray for answers. We pray for strength.
I have learned how difficult it is to say to someone,
“I will see you tomorrow,” as those were the last words uttered to
Jamie by me on the night of her death. When I find my self
saying that phrase, something inside of me cringes as I wonder …
“Will I? Will I see you tomorrow?”
We have learned how quickly our lives can change and
how precious “Now” is. I was lucky enough to have been able to
tell Jamie how proud I was of her. I am so glad that I took
those few moments to share what I was feeling. My last real
memory of Jamie’s face is of her smiling and laughing in response to
those words. I find myself wanting to tell people – parents …
teachers …. Tell your kids. Tell ‘em you are proud of them.
Tell them that you love them. Make sure you say those words.
Hug them and love them – because you truly never know.
MOM'S MUSINGS I
MOM'S MUSINGS II
MOM'S MUSINGS III
MOM'S MUSINGS IV
MOM'S MUSINGS V
MOM'S MUSINGS VI
MOM'S MUSINGS VII