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July 7 2009
Today is a very difficult day for us.
Today is/was Jamie’s birthday. She would have been 34
today. Jamie was killed four and a half years ago.
To say that her murder put my life in a
tailspin is an understatement. Yet, I have so much to be
thankful for at the same time.
Who, but God, could do that?
Jamie,
I am thankful I had the opportunity of
being your mom for almost 30 years. I am thankful that
you were my firstborn - and only girl. I learned a lot
from you. Gramma used to tell me, “You’ll understand
when you have your own daughter”, and per usual, Gramma
was right.
I was very angry with God for a while. I
just didn’t understand. To be honest - I still don’t.
But I’m no longer angry. Not at God, nor the person who
took your life.
You see, I had a vision, Jamie. I saw
you in a beautiful green, grassy field filled with
wildflowers of every color. The sun was shining
brightly. There was a quality to the sunshine I’d never
seen before. You were reveling in it!
There was such delight on your face!
Your eyes were closed - your long dark hair flowing
around you as you laughed with delight. Your face
uplifted to the sunlight. You had a hat in your hand - a
white one with long ribbons - the ribbons twirled gayly
around your. You always loved to “twirl” in full-skirted
dresses - and twirling you were.
You were dressed in glimmery gossamer
clothing so white it dazzled my eyes. You spun and spun
and spun, oblivious to everything but the joy you were
dancing in.
Now - how can a mama be sad seeing her
child like that?
Yes, I miss you - more than words can
say.
But God is good - and He let me see you
as I believe you are today.
And Jamie?
Save some room in that field for me.
The Lord giveth. The Lord taketh away.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.
MOM'S
MUSINGS I
MOM'S MUSINGS II
MOM'S MUSINGS III
MOM'S MUSINGS IV
MOM'S MUSINGS V
MOM'S MUSINGS VI
MOM'S MUSINGS VII
MOM'S MUSINGS VIII
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